


You Still Have Me

by symer



Series: Playlist To Get Over You [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 10:14:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4825079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/symer/pseuds/symer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I’m an idiot.” Calum repeatedly whispered.</p><p>“Hey. Hey. No, you’re not.” Michael said with conviction while rubbing the other’s back comfortingly. “You’re not okay?” The blond buried his head in his best friend’s neck, trying to fight the urge to cry. “You fell. It happens, like you said, you can’t help how you feel.” He tried to bring Calum closer to himself, but they were as close as they were going to get. “Just– you’re not alone okay? I’ve got you and you’ve got me. You’ll always have me Cal.” Michael ended. </p>
            </blockquote>





	You Still Have Me

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry you guys are all hurt about this news right now, just remember that he's happy. And as long as he's happy and they're not doing anything bad, they should be supported. I hope you all feel better soon.

Calum had told his lover the same night as their last performance that he wanted to stay with his best friend during the duration of their mini break and the blond wasn’t pleased. They had just finished fcking– and that’s what it was. They weren’t making love, because if that was the case then the one doing the fcking would have been in love with who he was screwing, but he wasn’t. Calum told him of how he thought that what Michael said during their last performance was what the lead guitarist actually felt, and how he planned to stay with his best friend for a bit. Luke replied with silence and got off the bed, only to start picking his littered clothes on the floor to promptly put them on.  

“Come on Luke! I have to! You heard him earlier.”

“But why can’t you just come to LA and hang there?”

“It’s his choice. I’m his for several days. Whatever he wants goes.”

“His? The hell you are Cal.” Luke said venomously.

“Poor word choice. Okay?” Calum said to appease the taller man. “Look I know I’m yours, just like you’re mine, right? But he’s my best friend and I’m his. We’ve known each other for ages.“ 

Luke scoffed in response.

"Do what you want.” He had said as parting words. Calum had tried to call the younger man to come back, but Luke had ignored his pleas. The bassist had hoped for things to blow over and talk thing rationally in the morning. Unfortunately, when Calum woke in the morning Luke and Ashton had already left and safely made it back in LA. 

——-

Calum was furious. He couldn’t stop shaking. One fcking day! Actually, it took less that one fcking day! He was having a hard time. He had gone to bed happy last night and wanted to just greet their fans a good morning, instead he wakes up to this. He sees pictures and stories all over Twitter about his— he really wasn’t sure what they were, but he thought he at least had the other man’s respect. He sees pictures of Luke and the girl going out to a place where they usually go and what they usually do.

He could take a guess of why he brought her there, that place was discreet. They had a private lounge and that’s why THEY were able to get drunk and hang out there. He doesn’t… Luke’s a bit out of control when he’s drunk. He gets touchy and he never minded when the younger man was wasted, because at least THEY were together. 

He doesn’t know how to feel. He knows he’s hurt, but they weren’t official and they didn’t even have a label for whatever this was. Does he even have the right to be hurt? To be mad?

He tortures himself by searching for more pictures and stories. He diligently looks through Tumblr and his heart breaks when he sees what some cake shippers are saying. They’re theorizing that this girl was a substitute for something Luke couldn’t have. 

He laughed hollowly. If only they knew who Luke already had— have what “he wanted” and can seem to throw it all away so easily. He wishes they knew how callous the lead singer was. The fans always deemed him as someone so innocent, but Lucas wasn’t that, but more. He was also vindictive and spoiled. He was kind, yet he hated being denied.

He wanted to cry. He was able to go out with her and not have to hide. He could have a normal relationship and not get any homophobic backlash. He would just hear about how girls were mad that it wasn’t them but with time, just like with Bryanna, it would start to die down. He actually liked Bryanna. She was kind, and maybe he’ll like her too, but he chose to stay away when she came to visit. He was able to block it all out then thinking she was nothing but a passing fancy, but he turned out to be the temporary accessory.

He decided he didn’t want to get up today. He wanted to just revel in his melancholia and hopefully recover before they had to assemble. He doubts it, but he couldn’t help but hope. 

His phone starts to vibrate to signal an incoming call and sees it was the source of his misery calling him. He wants to ignore it, but his curiosity gets the better of him. He answers the call but doesn’t say a thing. 

“Calum?” The lead singer says unsure. “I know you’re there,” he continues with certainty.

Silence.

“Come on, I know you’re there.” He called again.

“I wanted to call before you saw.” Luke said his voice rough due to just waking up.

"It was just for a few days!” Calum finally said, after trying his hardest to keep silent.

“I was lonely!”

“You did it on the first night! Are you kidding me?” Calum cried outraged.

“I never said I made smart decisions when I’m under duress.” Luke muttered.

“When your under duress? Under duress, really? I- I’m the one in a relationship with a child and you’re the one under duress." 

"I’m not acting like a child and whatever we were doing it didn’t make what we had a relationship.”

“Yes you are! Damnit! You went out last night with someone you’re rumored to be dating to get back at me!" Calum screeched, ignoring the last sentence Luke uttered— that one fcking hurt. It was salt to the knife wound on his fcking back. 

"It wasn’t for that- we just went out. We drank a bit and that’s about it. Brian was with us and some other people." 

"I can’t right now. Just tell me- did anything happen?”

“No! Of course not! But listen…” The lead singer trailed off.

Those. Fcking. Words. People dreaded those fcking words and apparently Calum was one of those people, because as soon as Luke said them he felt his heart stop.

“Calum, I like her.” Luke said carefully.

Calum stayed quiet for who knows how long. They both stayed on the line waiting for the other to say something. In the end Luke broke it.

“I like you too, Calum.”

Calum held back a sob. He didn’t want to be apart of a fcking love triangle. He wonders why the younger man agreed to go out with the girl, if he knew they had mutual feelings, but had Calum already and he liked Calum too. He doesn’t— he had no words.

"I’m done. I’ll see you in a few days.”

Calum hung up the phone and searched for Mikey. He found him in their hotel rooms living area. He sat next to the older man and crossed his arms, trying hard to pay attention to the other’s progression in the video game. It didn’t work. His eyes had started to water and he blinked in fast paced succession, but the tears fell anyway. He did his best to keep the sobs in— covering his mouth with both hands and all; however, he was unable to. His emotions had gotten the best of him and he was still in disbelief of how his lover could do what he did, then tell him he liked him.

Michael hearing the muffled sob turned around and when he saw Calum’s distraught state, got up and engulfed him in a hug. 

"What’s wrong?” The blonde asked gently. He had one hand rubbing the younger man’s back and the other carded through the raven tresses. 

Calum in response hugged the older man back. He clutched Mikey’s shirt and cried into his shoulder. 

“Have you checked Twitter?” The bassist asked when he caught his breath. 

“No. Why?” Michael inquired, continuing his ministrations. 

“He went out with that Arz-Arzal-Arza-girl. I don’t even know if I can’t pronounce her name or I just don’t want to say it because I’m bitter.” He answered softly. 

Calum lifted his head from Michael’s shoulder. 

“Why did he do that Michael?" He asked staring at his long time friend with watery eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"I don’t know buddy.” Michael answered sadly.

“He said nothing happened, that hey just went out to drink and that Brian was there.” He continued putting his head down and moving his hands to Michael’s shoulder. “Should I believe him? Should I forgive him? Is there a reason why I should be mad?” He said looking at his lap. He watched his shorts get tear stained as his tears drop on them. “He told me liked her and that he liked me too…” He whispered.

“I don’t know Cal. It’s up to you. And yeah, if you’re mad, you’re mad. If you’re sad, cry it out. I can’t tell you how to feel. I’m sorry, but this ultimately falls on you. Do you want to be on the side until he makes up his mind?”

“It’s okay. This was never official anyway.” Calum said shakily. He wiped his eyes and nose with his shirt and offered Michael a watery smile when the lead guitarist looked on in disdain. 

“Ugh. I love you mate, but that was disgusting.”

Calum shot the man a grin and poked him in the tummy. 

“You love me, Michael Clifford?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” The blond replied slapping Calum’s hand away. “Let it get to your head. I don’t love a lot of people you know.” He grinned. 

Calum smiled. “Yeah.” He kept his eyes on his fiddling hands. “Thanks, Michael.” He said softly. “I’ll be okay. I was just surprised, that’s all.” The bassist said, trying hard to convince himself.

“Yeah.” Michael said softly.

“I’m fine.” Calum repeated.

Michael sat next to his best mate and listened to him repeat those words over and over again. It was painful. The lead guitarist can hear the uncertainty in his childhood best friends voice. Calum wasn’t convincing anyone.

“See. I told you he wasn’t funny.” Mikey said in jest, hoping to make him laugh.

“Shut up Michael. You’re not funny.” Calum said chuckling.

“You laughed. I am funny.”

They both sat there quietly for a while with Calum’s head on the other’s shoulder and with Michael’s arm around Calum's shoulder. 

“You should pause that or it’ll be game over.”

“It’s okay. This is more important.” Michael said squeezing Calum’s should a little bit tighter. They stayed silent for a while. Michael rested his head on top of Calum’s and hummed a little tune.

“I don’t know if I can go back Mikey." 

Michael startled. He turned sideways and man handled the bassist to face him. 

"Hey. None of that okay?” Michael said softly, wiping Calum’s incessantly flowing tears. “We’re in this together. Fck! High school musical just popped in my head. I’m sorry, that’s totally inappropriate right now, but Cal! This is our dream. Don’t throw it all away.”

“I can’t help the way I feel.” Calum said, head bowing.

“I know. And I’m sorry you have to go through this.” Michael said, sad to see Calum crying again.

“I wasn’t supposed to be this invested, but he gave so much and now he wants to take it all back.” Calum sobbed. “What do I do Michael? How can I make these feelings stop?" 

Michael looked at his best friend in silence. He didn’t know what to do. Calum had always been so— he’s always had a wall up and when he had problems the raven haired man always ran to him, but this was different. Calum's problem's had usually been feeling down about fans or something else entirely. This was Calum’s first heartbreak, and he didn’t know that he himself would be this affected in seeing his best friend so torn down. 

Calum looked like he was at a loss. He didn’t know what to do with himself and he was looking up to Michael for guidance. This scene broke all of his perceptions of the Kiwi and apparently he had lots more to learn. He did't know where to go from here. He was used to being the comedic relief, this was more or Ashton’s or Calum’s department.

Michael does the only thing he knew how to do at the moment. He pulls the younger man in an embrace, and holds him tight as what was comfortable, to show the other man he was here. He wanted to ground Calum; because he knew how easily it was to drift away when your heart gets stomped on. He thought of how he channeled that in song writing and that now Calum will be writing heavily sad tunes– he knew that was an inappropriate thought too, but he couldn’t help it. He wonders how this man in his arms will be able to work with Luke from now on and how it would be like when the blonde’s girlfriend will join them. 

The lead guitarist was so lost in thought that he had missed Calum putting himself down. 

"I’m an idiot.” Calum repeatedly whispered. 

“Hey. Hey. No, you’re not.” Michael said with conviction while rubbing the other’s back comfortingly. “You’re not okay?” The blond buried his head in his best friend’s neck, trying to fight the urge to cry. “You fell. It happens, like you said, you can’t help how you feel.” He tried to bring Calum closer to himself, but they were as close as they were going to get. “Just– you’re not alone okay? I’ve got you and you’ve got me. You’ll always have me Cal.” Michael ended. 

“I know we said to be back by the 20th, but I can’t go back Mikey.” Calum whispered softly, muffled by Michael’s shoulder. “Please, don’t make me.” He begged, clutching on the back of Michael’s shirt harder. 

“I can’t gu-” Michael tried to say, but Calum’s sobs got louder. “I- okay. Okay, Cal. I’ll talk to someone." 

"I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Calum wailed. “I know you just wanted to be away and hide out and I’m this.” Calum cried harder. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Michael rocked the younger man and rubbed his back for who knows how long. He didn't stop when the cries became softer and he didn't stop when Calum's hold became lax. He would hold on for as long as his best friend needed. 

And slowly but surely, time passed. They were sat there holding onyo each other for an indiscernible amount of time. 

“You're going to be okay, babe.”

Calum laughed.

“Did you just call me babe?”


End file.
